I find the difference between the terms “normal” and “natural” to be misleading. Normal by definition means average, so for example average blood pressure is probably good and but average sex means what everybody else is doing, which in my experience is unfortunately being shackled in the trappings of a relationship that is defined by advertisers and Hollywood and often results in stressful, boring, restrictive and/or emotionally or physically abusive relationships. Natural is what our nature as a creative, erotic creature drives us to do — experiment with different sex, roles, etc.
I found kink for me to be a desire to switch roles to try different ways of feeling, and to connect intimately with people in ways that I found impossible in the trappings of a straight relationship. I find normal relationships (see above) to be so far from natural that I can’t tolerate it as a creative, emotional being.
I also fortunately got to learn a lot about kink from Kink University and the Kink.com Armory headquarters in San Francisco before tech killed it recently. Here’s a vid of me learning about kink from proud kinkster Jane Wiedlan (from the Gogo-’s) and Danarama a kink instructor from Kink University. This was filmed at the Edwardian suite at the Kink.com Armory before it was dismantled and sold to tech folks and to an live music venue promoter.
One of most interesting topics they mentioned is that often those who are powerful in life (e.g. Business Executives) want to be submissives, whereas those who don’t have as much power in life (e.g. those with non-corporate/business jobs) want to be doms — i.e. switch roles. I also learned that those who are submissives are actually the ones with the power in a healthy relationship. This was part of my education in the journey to understand the power and importance of femininity.
One of the most distributing aspects of BDSM is how misunderstood it is, and how many people who are not familiar with BDSM (most people) would likely interpret it as being creepy and abusive, and it can lead to the opposite of it’s enlightening and pleasurable roots to instead promote violence, rape, etc. As in so many Hollywood mainstream productions, like for example Fifty Shades of Grade, on the positive side it allows more people to explore Kink as they feel it’s more accepting, but on the negative side it gives people the wrong impression of Kink. Fifty Shades isn’t really about Kink, it’s about a peppy young woman who decides to date an abusive asshole because he’s a billionaire:
