Most piano teachers suck

Most teachers suck…it’s not because they are bad people, it’s because they are part of a infected and perverted system that prioritizes as follows (DESCENDING order of importance):

1. The Nation-State: We want a working population that is educated well enough to be good worker-bees, but not too much where they might do something crazy like become an activist, follow their passions, etc.
2. The School System: The administrators want to advance their careers, get power, etc.
3. The Teacher: They want their job to be easy, stroke their ego, make money (in the case of private piano teachers, this is obviously a big motivation — to get that student coming in once a week for regular income)
4. The Student (DEAD LAST): Who gives a shit what they want, they are there to support all the above. They are a commodity, but we need to kill their soul as early as possible before it gets too powerful, otherwise, they won’t be as effective fodder for the above.

Music (e.g. Piano lessons) is special because in today’s market it no longer serves any economic purpose (i.e. you can barely make any money vs. STEM education), it is only to nurture the soul, which of course, you want to kill, but you don’t want to let the parents in on the secret. So there is a simple solution, use the default shitty teacher who shoves classical music down kids throats and who themselves have had their soul sucked out of them, and they will effectively pass on the soul killing virus of making everything about what you’re supposed to do. As a result, they completely miss the absolute #1 most important thing to teach the students:

The joy of music!

Duh! If you can’t do this simple thing, you have failed!

As well as the #2 most important thing to teach the students:

The nature of the relationship between the student and the teacher — The teacher is there to help and guide the kids to find their passions

Duh!

I lost count of the the number of times one of my friends asked me to talk with their child about why they hate piano lessons, and it’s always the same problem — the child is having classical music shoved down his/her throat by an obnoxious piano teacher, and the parents have no idea what’s going on. The parents have good intention, but they are being used. Incredible how they’re still doing it in today’s world! Incredible how something that is supposed to nurture the soul ends up doing the opposite! Incredible how you have an opportunity to nurture the child’s soul and innate talents but end up squandering it instead! Ugh!

Here’s a little primer on learning to play the piano:

Why learn to play the piano?

People do it for different reasons, but here are some ideas:

1. It makes you feel good
2. I helps you when you’re upset (instead of running off to surf the Internet or watch TV endlessly)
3. It’s really fun to entertain people and be the center of attention
4. It might help you find love.
5. If you’re super duper lucky, you might make money off it. I plan to do it when I retire to have fun and make extra money.

Set goals that light your passion

Always best to set goals first to clarify what lights your passion so much that you’re willing to work really hard to get there, and you’re focused. It will be a lot of hard work over many years, but most of it will not actually be work, because you’re enjoying the ride as well as the destination. For example:

You want to play and/or sing at home

You want to accompany others professionally

You want to be able to quickly play almost any pop song and be the life of the party

You want to be a rock star

Types of Playing

Broadly there are two types of piano players:

• Readers: They read music notes and play exactly what is written on the page. They work on being able to sight read — read what is on the page and play it at the same time with no practice
• Improv: They read chords and improvise (make up) just about everything they are playing. They can hear the song in their head and immediately translate it to the right style and rhythm on the piano, and play it close enough to be fun, but not exactly as it’s played on the mp3/radio.

I’m an improv player. I can read music, but I suck at reading because I rarely read music. It’s a lot of work, it doesn’t give you much creative freedom, and you tend to play the song mechanically because you’re busy trying to play exactly what is written on the page. To me improv is what music is all about — play how you feel at the time, and be creative. Only the best readers can also improv at the same time, but those are usually professional musicians. I only read music if a song has a particular introduction or set of notes, in which case I’ll read it once, remember the sequence, and then change it around to make it my own so I can easily remember it and enjoy playing it, and will never look at the page of music again. Paul McCarney for example, doesn’t know how to read music, but he can read chords written on a page and play from that.

Another major key distinction is whether you are going to sing or not (or accompany a singer). If you mostly play with a singer, you’re going to focus on chords and arpeggios (i.e. complimenting the chords with notes in the scale to fill in the spaces and create rhythm or flowing sounds). The emphasis is on the singing and the piano is to accompany the singer and your playing may be sparse, but should rhythmically be compatible with the singing. If you mostly play without a singer, then the focus is going to be on the style of the piano playing and you want to make that biting, or interesting.

So there are basically 4 types of playing:

• Musicals: You play what is written to accompany singers. It’s a big operation, so you are expected to sit down and immediately play the music with exactly the correct notes and in the correct rhythm otherwise you’ll get fired. Even if you never heard the song before, you are expected to nail it or get pretty close on the first shot. You probably want to practice it first, but you’re being very mechanical. Players are largely interchangeable because you are playing exactly what is written. Nobody really wants you to be creative (unless you’re writing the music). You’re kind of a robot.
• Classical: Very similar to musicals, but you have to be a really incredible reader, and there is a greater emphasis on your style, but still you are expected to play it pretty much like everybody else would.
• Band / Singer: This is where you have the opportunity to be creative and where each musician is very different. You often get together with people and jam out for a while and see how it all comes together. There is a lot of variation in the way you can play the song and it’s also different each time you play it. It’s kind of like having good sex.
• Jazz / Blues (or other style): Similar to band / singer, but there is a greater variation in the playing and your objective each time is to play to the mood / vibe. Your job as the musician is to channel emotions, and ultra creativity and variation is encouraged. It’s kind of like a good orgy.

Needless to say, these styles are very different. And it’s important for example to know that most children aren’t interested in being a robot playing classical music, they are interested in the latter two: singing their favorite songs, or writing, or jamming with friends or a group of people. I personally do a combination of the latter two . It’s really useful to be able to play jazz/blues, which is mostly improv, and then apply those skills and creative energy to create interesting rhythms and musical fills for the singers

Find the right teacher

It’s critical find the teacher than inspires you. This could be somebody you pay or more likely than not a variety of people you meet just playing out with others. When I was a kid, I took piano lessons from a classical music teacher who bored me into quitting (although I learned the basics of scales, fingering and reading). I never would have gone back, but my mother suggested I take saxophone lessons from Les Silver, a jazz saxophonist. I was around 11 years old, and I had very little interest in the sax (I was forced into the marching band), until I met Les. I had never in my life previously seen anybody that was animated and excited to play music like him. I had never met an adult who mesmerized me with his positive, passionate energy. That’s what I was attracted to as most adults were boring assholes. But when he suggested I use the piano to work out the chords to apply to my understanding of the saxophone he lost me to the piano.

It’s critical to find the right teacher. If they don’t inspire you in a positive way, and help you find goals that are right for you, fire them.

Spend the money to get a nice piano

The instrument’s craftsmanship should inspire you. I was lucky in that we had a Steinway baby grand piano in the back room that was rarely used. Plus my parents were insane, so I would run to the piano to share my feelings with the Universe, and that’s how I really learned to play. But most people aren’t that lucky, but still don’t buy a piece of junk.

Don’t buy a cheap electric piano. Don’t waste your money and time. It’s really important that the keyboard feels like a real piano (the keys have weight) and the sound is lovely and inspiring.

Don’t buy a cheap acoustic piano. A good electric piano sounds a lot better, you can put headphones on, it doesn’t go out of tune, you can even play around with other sounds (e.g. the electric piano sounds which mimic the Wurlitzer and Fender Rhodes pianos are cool and have similar dynamics to a regular piano sounds and are great for blues jazz. Organ sounds are pretty cool). Most acoustic pianos are garbage, especially the upright pianos. Quite frankly don’t even waste your money on an upright. If you’re going to get a real piano, you need to spend probably at least $15K. Get a really good one, otherwise you’re just wasting your money and demotivating yourself — good electric pianos are pretty good. And you if you can afford $50K for a Steinway or Bosendorfer, it’s much better than having a fancy kitchen!

Tips for learning improv

I hate to say this, but you need to learn your scales and fingering, because that is the basis for all improv. Then learn your basic chords, and all the variations around the chords and their relationship to the scale (e.g. Sharped 9th, flatted 9th, etc.). And don’t be a key pussy! Spend each week learning and mastering a different scale. There are twelve of them.

And mix work and fun. Spend half your time on work (e.g. learning scales and chords), and the other half on using what you just learned to do something fun — e.g. jamming on a G blues with friends, playing a Beatles song that has some chords you don’t know. It’s a journey. Keep going! And play with other people!

Have Fun!

Would you rather be this person:

Or one of these people:

And once you find and secure your soul with music (or whatever art you love), everything else in life will be easier and more fun as the machine won’t be able to get their dirty hands on you as easily.

Nuture youre soul