Not all trans women are the same — e.g Autogynephilia
Autogynephilia (derived from Greek for “love of oneself as a woman”) is a term coined by American-Canadian sexologist Ray Blanchard for “a male’s propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female”, intending for the term to refer to “the full gamut of erotically arousing cross-gender behaviors and fantasies”
(This is a very brief summary I took from Wikipedia. Please read more on this subject if you’re interested).
I identity as an Autogynephilic trans woman vs. for example the more common case where a man wants to be a woman and it’s not sexual in nature. The motivations, background, feelings, etc of trans women varies considerably. One of the simplest concepts that is hard for many people to understand, is that not all trans women are the same. Just like not all Christians, not all Jews, not all black people, etc. I don’t know why it’s so hard for people to understand that. I suppose it’s that we’ve all been brainwashed by marketing, advertising, and the media since we were little kids, in an attempt for our society to simplify behavior and group people for the purposes of scaling up selling us goods and entertainment, controlling how we vote, and getting power and followers.
And it’s not just commercial and political interests. Most of the shit I’ve gotten about being trans is from other trans women! For example those who think autogynephilia is BS and we should be ashamed of our behavior and we aren’t really trans! Why would they think that? I think in large part it is because they are NOT autogynephilic, and they believe that our existence makes other non-trans people think that they are that way too, and they resent that. Which is probably somewhat valid, but you could make the same argument about being Christian. That doesn’t give you the right to give shade or hate somebody who is your demographic but different. I understand that trans women have a lot of stress in their lives, so I can understand why that might FEEL that way, but to publicly speak out and demonize others as a result of your own frustration and confusion is counterproductive. You could speak out positively on the matter helping people to understand. But of course, being positive, doesn’t “sell” as well on social media vs. making accusation and demonizing others, sadly.
Every trans woman’s story is unique. In my case, I never felt like a girl, I just didn’t feel like a typical boy. I didn’t like sports, I was more of a musical instrument, science and history nerd. I didn’t like disco dancing, dressing up fancy, and mashing up against girls on the dance floor I didn’t know — I wanted to get to know them first, and I was scorned constantly because of it (i.e. a lot of young boys don’t think of girls as other human beings to be respected, and also some people thinking dancing is THE way to meet people for dating). I saw my first trans woman in London when I was 10 years old at a Theater in Piccadilly Circus, and I totally got it! I admired her. At the time, I didn’t relate to being trans or being a woman, I admired her uniqueness, power, and doing her own thing. (And I overheard my dad talking to my mom about that event and he felt the same way!) That stuck with me.
When I got older I had trouble dating women because I was an oddball — I was more artsy and cerebral, and I lived overseas when I was a kid in England and East Africa and was disconnected from pop culture and fashion and had ZERO interest in it. I couldn’t find a female match for me, and married my wife because I was desperately lonely in the ‘burbs outside San Francisco. When I got divorced I moved into San Francisco a block away from a trans bar called Divas — a huge famous place. A month later I dressed as a girl for Halloween, and people loved me! Men and especially women! It was like becoming a superhero. Why did they love me? I guess because I was no longer invisible, and because it was a lot of fun and I felt sexy and powerful. Eventually Maria out shined the Dude so much, she took over my life. And I wrote a book about it, which is now a new musical in development: https://www.mariakonner.com/girl-shock-musical
