One of the biggest challenges one new to the dating scene will face is the unbelievable amount of frustration, agony, and bullshit you have to go through to even get a suitable first date. Knowing what you want and who you are is far easier in comparison….at some point you need to just dive in and start dating to experience your new status as a single person, and you will likely get very quickly stifled on this journey by the sheer lack of opportunity to engage. That lack of opportunity will then cause you to question yourself or wether or not dating is even worth it given that it often quickly gets to a point where it’s just not fun.

Online dating is a cesspool and although is sounds great try to meet people at parties and bars, that’s gets harder and harder as you get older and as more people work crazy hours and stay home. (I live in San Francisco and it’s turning into a bedroom community). How much partying can you do in the hopes of meeting somebody?

So then maybe you should just go about your life doing what you want to do, figuring maybe best to at least enjoy life and then maybe you’ll meet somebody who shares similar interests. The problem with that is often your interests don’t overlap with who you’re looking to date. (Eg a guy is unlikely to find a woman at a model train club. It’s possible, but unlikely. Similarly a woman is unlikely to meet a man doing makeup workshops).

So then you start trying to optimize your dating opportunities vs doing what you like and then after a while, unless you’re lucky, you get frustrated and start surfing porn, or start working long hours to distract yourself, or smoking weed, all the while having no opportunity to discover all those things about dating that you wanted to. Your life has become about optimizing search algorithms in a world where everybody is fighting for attention and nothing seems real. Not to mention the plethora of fake profiles and online robots trying to scam you.

My divorced friends have no idea what they are getting themselves into when they decide to start dating again. Some are lucky because they are really good looking or they work in a field or have hobbies where they meet a lot of eligible people…but most aren’t.

For me I solved the problem by becoming a women and having NSA sex with guys…and a lot of it. I found that connecting with somebody by sexual flirtation is literally thousands of times easier then thinking about a romantic connection (and dating as a women is hundreds of times easier than dating as a straight man). Romance is too complicated these days unfortunately..the new model is-if the sex is good, and you seem to get along, then maybe consider romance. If you don’t allocate at least a big chunk of your efforts doing this and instead focus exclusively on romance, you will likely find yourself wondering what’s wrong with you, and that is very powerful at utterly destroying your plans to explore your new self.