Yea this is a tough topic. If you define “Toxic Femininity” as killing or raping somebody for rejecting your advances I absolutely agree. There is no doubt that men are more dangerous to women both in their physical strength and their inclination to be violent. But if you define “Toxic Femininity” as generally being rude and disrespectful to men, just because they’re men, it’s absolutely real and has a really big impact — I experienced it myself all the time throughout my life, and this contributed significantly in my becoming a woman. Although some men are scary and aggressive to me (something I never experienced as a man), men still mostly treat me a helluva lot better than women ever did. (Although I haven’t been raped or physically assaulted, but I know other trans women who have)

When I was a teenage (straight) male, I was pushed into disco dancing and being aggressively sexual on the dance floor with women I didn’t know, something I thought was completely inappropriate, yet I was shamed over not participating. When other boys would objectify women, but I wouldn’t participate in it because I found it offensive, I was shamed over it. I didn’t like a lot of other boys (and other men when I grew up), because they were basically dumb aggressive assholes. A lot of men would agree with me. For some reason our society normalizes this behavior.

I know less about growing up female, but I strongly suspect, that being continuously assaulted by advertising from a young age — telling you you’re not pretty or good enough without buying beauty products, is extremely emotional harmful. And then having boys bullying you, I can’t image how bad that is, because boys bullied me and that was bad enough. And this contributes to the “lighter” version of Toxic femininity which is real.

I think we need to be careful when we demonize men as if they’re all the same. When we demonize each other, it creates bad memes/vibes that helps nobody. Rejection of men just because they’re male, and putting all men in the same category as the average meathead douchebag guy, will create angry men who might not physically assault a woman, but will nonetheless be like destructive in many other ways. Men need to cut woman a lot of slack because women have been emotionally and physically abused by men more than men can fully grok. But that has it’s limits, and I would appreciate a little balance, in understanding how this whole thing puts us in a vicious cycle if we don’t recognize that.

Thanks for the post.